Hi,
my name's Aslan. I'm a recovering catholic. I've been told by people that once you're in, there's no escape. This seems rather unfair. Especially when you are baptised and confirmed as a baby. And then I was brainwashed into goodness - being taught prayers in Ukrainian by my orthodox catholic mother. It hasn't all been bad though. As a pre-teen altar boy I felt sacrilegiously closer to God. There's something elevating about looking down on the masses from up high in a sacristy wearing a dress and having first bite on the communion. And I still enjoy the rituals and rites of mass. There is something very beautiful and soothing about incense and gentle bells.
In high school I went to a high/low church Anglican grammar school in Sydney. My favourite 'religious' memories are making up obscene words for the beautiful hymns and being told by my Latin teaching headmaster that if you wanted to sleep during chapel then you should use the kneelers for support to keep your body upright. That way you looked like you were praying with your eyes closed. This particular headmaster (who was quite famous) also had a good line of stories about competitive boyhood masturbation, but that is really material for a different post.
As a teenager yearning for authenticity and being repaid with an uninspiring unintellectual brand of Christianity, I had a midlife spiritual crisis and started searching for alternatives. I became interested in Daoism and Zen Buddhism. The Tao Te Ching is a masterpiece.
After highschool I spent a year in a Japanese country town on a rotary exchange program. I went to a Zen temple run by my club secretary monk every Sunday to do zazen. In the middle of the year I did a weekend retreat where I met an American guy who told me I should bang as many teenage japanese schoolgirls as possible or I would regret it for the rest of my life. I haven't reached 'the rest of my life' yet, but I think he may have been onto something. At the end of the year, I spent a week in retreat at the head temple of Soto Zen - founded by Dogen Zenji. On my return to the country town I was ordained as a zen novice with the name Chiryu.
After returning to Australia, I tried to keep up my practice but after several years finally succumbed to the absurdity of it and stopped. Or maybe I just got lazy and wanted to please my girlfriend at the time. She wasn't too keen on my being a monk. She liked Chanel handbags too much to risk that type of behaviour.
I did a major in comparative religious studies at Sydney University in my first degree - studying classical hinduism, paganism and the new age, australian aboriginal religions, chinese religions (daoism, confucianism, buddhism) and meditation.
After this smorgasbord, I could no longer believe in any one system of divinity. I am convinced that all the major world religions have a solid grip on absolute truth through their beliefs and practices, without any one oligarch (or is that Patriarch) holding a monopoly. Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, Islam, Daoism all have treasures of wisdom to impart if a person is sincere in their search. And they are excellent pathways to get to grips with the big questions in life without thinking too much for yourself. One does not have to re-invent the wheel to go for a drive.
And as for normal people, well these religions provide a good framework of everyday ethics, conformity and restraint. Isn't this what any working system of social control aims for? I am tired of hearing people whinge about the evils of religions which they find constraining - such ideals are good for most people. They give all of us something to live up to. And they are certainly good for those who like to flout the rules - being bad isn't half as fun when it is acceptable ;-)
As for me, I now believe that we have to choose what we believe. We have to look around us, see what the effects of different beliefs are and adjust our own accordingly. This requires great flexibility, capacity for change and constant learning.
But in our dynamic world, I think this offers a good method for having a happy, successful and long life.
Here endeth the confession,
Aslan
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