Men are not very complex creatures. We like food, we love sex and we don't like to clean up after either. After a while no matter who the woman is, we get bored and we want to try someone else's cooking. We are not very smart, most of us.
And yet I keep meeting articulate, educated and emotionally intelligent women who have been beaten by such a beast - just an ordinary simple man.
A common denominator is a long courtship. These women go out with their men for 6, 7, 8 years before the men finally break free. Now, after the break-up the women and all their female friends (and traitorous men) begin to call the man an idiot. From the female perspective this is an emotionally perceptive way to feel better about the situation. But it is neither useful in addressing the actual problem nor in helping other women avoid the same fate.
It is strange how a man can go from being someone's 'baby' one day to an 'idiot' the next. If they were idiots, they were idiots before as well. And if they truly are idiots (and I do not doubt that in most relationships it is the man who is the relationship village retard) then whose responsibility is the car-crash in the relationship when the man wants out? Who was at the steering wheel?
Is it not more sensible to focus on the actions of the emotionally stronger party - the woman who usually grows and is in effective control of the relationship?
Men are not designed for 7 year couplings without children, commitment or marriage to keep them keen. After 2 or 3 years of a serious relationship (and in most parts of the world it is much much sooner than this) a smart woman gives her man an effective ultimatum - 'marry me or we're through'. Any woman who thinks she has a better chance of this tactic after 6 or 7 years rather than 2 or 3 doesn't need an extra degree - she needs a crash course in male psychology.
I am not for one moment suggesting that the world would be a better place or that we would have more successful marriages as a result of such a change. But we would have a lot less 30 year old women hurting badly after often having only one serious relationship in their entire lives ending in a de facto divorce.
In the Balkans there is a tradition of mass marriages - after every winter all the couples who shacked up together come down from their love nests and have their relationships ratified. If they did not have this social tradition and the attendant pressure on the men, how many of them do you think would actually get married after a winter of warmth and a springtime blossoming with opportunities? Nowhere near so many as do.
Men are like consumers - we have to be told what we need and what is good for us. We are not, like many women, pre-sold on the idea of marriage.
A very smart, accomplished woman who was recently dumped after being with her man for 7 years told me: ''I didn't want to force him - if he didn't want me, well he wasn't the right one.''
This is a fallacy of monumental proportions. Seriously, how many people know what they want? Granted a few do, but most take what they can and then make the best of it. Not very romantic, but then real life usually isn't. But strangely, most people are no less happy because they didn't 'know' they wanted to marry a specific person at a specific time. This knowledge is much less important than the life the married couple create together - and this is not something that happens in an instant - it is years of love and work.
So, women everywhere - do not let your relationship be driven into a ditch by an emotional idiot - take control of the wheel - if you want to marry someone, force their hand. And be smart about it - you're manipulative and clever enough to do it in a way that he won't even realise you slipped his hand into the ring - well, maybe not until it's too late to matter anymore.
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